Ah, Faillog!

I fail at keeping up my blog for even one straight day. I can't even do it two straight days in a row. Go me! Faillog! Anyway, school is almost over. Thank goodness and winter break is about to start.

Destiny was over for the weekend and we finished recording our "Love Story" cover and even finished mixing it. That means Dez-Air has now finished recording two whole tracks. Go us! Our "Nobody" cover is still my favorite, its probably ue to the awesomeness of the Wonder Girls. We are planning on doing a music video for our cover of "Nobody." We hope to work on that over winter break. The keyword in that is "hope." If we actually get it done, I will be so excited. Even if we just get it shot at the very least.

I've been hooked on my first Korean drama for the last week, "You're Beautiful." Basically, a girl has to impersonate her brother who is in an all guy idol group. It has quite a bit of interesting situations. I enjoyed this show a lot. It was very addictive and had some catchy songs. I even think it beats "Glee." Blasphemy, I know!

Chemistry final ate my brain over the last few week and stressed me out very badly. I am glad I get a month break from that class. Too much information in so little time. *shudder*

Past Rememberings

Is it wise to dredge up the past? I think it is okay when you are just flipping through a photo album of old memories. I like to remember the past by listening to old recordings. It's really weird because most people hate listening to their voice in recordings. I like to listen because it shows your improvement as a singer. Well, if your not a singer that doesn't matter, I guess.

I'm not as buried in chemistry lately which is a good thing. I think I can manage to get a B in the class. Barely. That was quite a fight for a while. Studying in the study group did help a lot. They say you get a whole letter grade better in the study group than if you studied by yourself.

We have to do an oral history of a person who came to the United States from another country. It's a really weird project and very time consuming. It's sometimes hard to get time to myself.

Thanksgiving is in 2 days. I'm very excited because I get to see family!

Plus, my chemistry class got cancelled today. That was great and I got a 87.9 on my test. That's pretty good after my C on the last test.

This week definantly has some promise. Or it has shown some so far. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

College Days

Ah, college has been really sucking lately. Mid-terms and tests have been piling up and I feel like I'm suffacating a little bit. The huge gap in blogging was not intentional. I guess. I just kept forgetting to do anything. I really miss summer and the hot weather. And the freedom. Mostly the freedom.

I've been thinking about the past for a little bit now but I feel its good that I'm moving forward in my life. I can't keep going back because that stuff can't be relived.

There is such a challenge to exceed in college all the time. But that is impossible to me and I feel like such a failure at times. I just try my best but sometimes its not good enough. I guess I'll just take it easy this weekend. Maybe I'll think of an answer that way.

Happy

The plan for today involved putting others before myself. Well, for part of the time anyway. I volunteered at the hospital and learned a lot. Even the smallest freedoms we take for granted everyday, is something that the patients treasure. Like privacy. 

People always go in and out of their rooms. But, at home, we have our own seperate rooms where people usually don't trespass. Unless its parents. They love to trespass.

I went to theater and did "some" chem homework. I always think I'm gonna do more but I just don't. What happened to work ethic?

   

My inspiration for weird facial expressions is always Yossie. She has some crazy faces especially in performances of Love Machine. Weird!

Being alone is better than being unwanted. Because if your alone, you choose to be with yourself. But when your unwanted, its like your closed out. It's better to have some kind of choice in the matter.

Destiny and I finished "Nobody" finally. Listen if you want too. I'm not forcing you too. Mixing was annoying and made me want to tear my hair out a lot. lols It'd be funny to see me with patches of hair missing because of this but thankfully I'm not being serious.

We are a duo called Dez-Air. Have no idea why I came up with the name. Must be the landscape.

Dez-Air "Nobody" - http://www.box.net/shared/n1jv8cu0ep

Popcorn Love

Love is like popcorn!

"Enjoy! I'll be there
I'll always be by your side
Enjoy! I'll be there
When I'm with you,
I have so much fun
Magic-like popcorn love"

Ah, too good to be true yet again. I'll let you know if this type of stuff ever comes true. In the future sometime if I remember.

It's been a while since I blogged.

I started college. Too much reading but I did like reading Breadgivers compared to my Chem and Business textbooks. Wonder why? Fiction or biographical fiction is always more entertaining.

Ballet class is interesting. I get really sweaty and its the beginning of the day. Not good. Reminds me of freshmen PE. *shudder* Plus, I sometimes don't understand what the teacher says. Which is a lot of the time but I nod my head and keep going.

I'll keep updating whenever I get away from textbooks and scary stuff like that.

Endless Summer has ENDED

The last day of summer. Well, with school starting. It's the end of free time and reading childhood books and no homework. The start of big school: college.

My nerves are on edge and I don't know what to expect. A new adventure and I will try to tackle it head-on. It's the least I can do.

This Lovebug Again*

I went to the Jonas Brothers concert on August 11. I didn't write yesterday because I was still extremely tired from going to bed late and waking up early. I don't understand myself sometimes, it is still summer. 

Anyways, the day started out with a promised free kickball game as a charity event for a radio station. There was literally two blocks of Jonas Brothers fans lined up. I suspect a lot of parents took their children out of school to go to this free event. There must have been some empty desks at the local schools. I'm not pointing fingers.

Here are some of the crazy lines just to enter the kickball game. There were ambulances all over the place getting teens who passed out from the heat. It was 110 outside. And the shade while waiting in line was zero.

Honor Society, one of the opening bands for the Jonas Brothers, was signing autographs and they passed really close to my friend Josey and me. We didn't get their autograph because we weren't sure of how they sounded like. They walked passed us and headed off down the street. It was kind of weird.

 

We decided to leave rather than experience heatstroke and pass out. That would not be very fun. And the screaming started to drive me crazy. Whenever someone walked out on the field, someone would scream. Plus the line was super long and the chances of getting in late were slim unless you wanted to sit in a really bad bleacher seat.

Hung out at my house going through old yearbooks and listening to music and playing volleyball to pass the time before the concert. It was a madhouse trying to get in. The screaming was again unbearable. We sat in the wrong section at first and then found our seats behind four crazy fangirls. One could scream so high only dogs could hear her. Sorry to say. I thought I went deaf for a while after the concert because of that. 

Honor Society performed first. My camera was really shaky because I was getting used to taking pictures with it still. Plus, all the jumping up and down wasn't helpful. I could zoom in a lot and make the performers look less like ants. I thought they were the Jonas Brothers at first and was like "Ah, I can't see Jordin Sparks or Wonder Girls. Sad day!" But, I found out who they were and their songs were really good. They made me want to check into them a little more this week.

Jonas Brothers had a video that introduced the Wonder Girls and they played a brief clip of "Nobody as they took to the stage with their five mike stands. Wonder Girls performed right after Honor Society with their first English single, "Nobody." I took video of their performance but there was sadly no sound. They taught the audience their dance before they performed. They did really well and the audience was dancing along with them. The song is super catchy and I think they hopefully made some more fans by being exposed through this concert. 

 

Jordin Sparks followed the Wonder Girls and did her own set of 6-7 songs. My favorite performances of hers were "One Step at A Time" and "No Air." Of course. Her belting is very impressive and it was cool to see her live since she is sort of coming back to the place where her career started.

Waiting for Jonas Brothers performance = camera time! I decided to make a weird face. What do I have to lose? 

  

Then, finally, the Jonas Brothers take to the stage. They opened on a revolving stage singing "Paranoid." Their performance was overall very entertaining and well worth the ticket price. I know I mainly went to this concert to see the Wonder Girls but the Jonas Brothers really impressed me. They had a cherrypicker go over the audience for a little bit and spray foam at unsuspecting fans. That was funny! 

They also went on this big platform and did a song from up there. Nick talked about his diabetes while he played "A Little Bit Longer." It was really touching and made me cry. There was also some insane jumping on a trampoline. They had a small band join them and even a violinist. Crazy stuff! Kevin did a fashion show in a rain jacket before "Love Bug." They ended with "Burning Up," but by that time Josey and I were downstairs getting ready to meet. . .the Wonder Girls! We could still hear the Jonas Brothers blaring outside in the lobby. 

The line started getting long after we got in. It was awesome to see Jonas Brothers fans dancing to "Nobody" as they passed by and some even stopped to take pictures of the Wonder Girls. We got to hug each of the members which I didn't expect. They were a little taller than I thought they would be and all were really pretty. The Wonder Girls were very friendly and thanked us for coming to see them. They were really polite and made the fans feel welcome. JYP wasn't around and if he was, I didn't see him.

Overall, getting to meet the Wonder Girls and being forced to dance with Josey to the "Year 3000" and getting my camera taken away by her were some fun highlights of the night. Giving directions to my ride to pick me up were not so fun a story. Miscommunication is such a funny thing. 

Day of Random

I cleaned out my whole room of clothes from high school and middle school. I think of it as a new start and a fresh year in a new year. Maybe, that's where they got the word freshmen from? Ha! Let's just say my discarded clothes filled up two bags. Yikes! Where have I been putting it all?

I submitted my dog's picture for Birthday Pet of the Month. Let's hope she wins. I used two pictures. One was too hard to see. It was in shadows.

I got to borrow my brother's digital camera for tomorrow. Let's just say I get to see a kickball game and a concert. Wow. One of the above is free which is a good for a poor starving college student.

I got a new printer or my parents did. It only prints in black and white. Sad day!

I had an interview for the hospital volunteering. I'm excited to be doing that because I want to go to medical school after college. Best part is its in the neurology department. Whoot!

Summer Days~

"Summer days drifting away to uh-oh those summer nights!"

I still can't listen to that stupid song without shuddering. Maybe, performing in a show and hearing the same songs over and over for three months is a kind of torture. I think yes!

Days cross into night quickly during summer. I almost have to go back to school. No more reading outside on a bench in the heat. Ah, the good times. Or singing karaoke in my room with a hairbrush. A guilty pleasure. But, I can still do that any time.

I'll miss hanging out with friends whenever sporadically. It's kind of fun to be random sometimes. At least, I don't have to repeat high school again. I shudder at that. Ugh.

I'm gonna start driving by myself offically next week. Oh, I'm growing up so fast. Enough rambling. I'm not sure of what else to say but I'll leave it at that. Adios!

Life Is...Oh, yeah, ONE TIME!

People go throough the motions of day-to-day life not knowing how precious each moment they live is. Some treat it as a way to get monetary gain or a complete thing of chance. Life is precious and it is important to cherish every living moment. That sounds like a cheesy Sailor Moon quote. Cause it is. Guilty as charged.

Things are easily taken for granted and we believe we are never suspectible to accidents but as I learned we are not invincible. The death of a classmate can open your eyes to the true realities of, well, life. They are harsh but are affected from the standards of reality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r3txMbN9lo

Morning Musume - Mikan

The inspiration for this blog entry. Explanatory enough with the English lyrics of the song.

Had a girls night with Destiny and Vivian. We watched random videos on YouTube and saw the Last Holiday. Ice cream with sprinkles and chocolate is a must.

I'm reading the last book of the Song of the Lioness. It's nice to explore old childhood reads and appreciate them in a new way.

New Level of Calm

I was trapped for the last five days in a land of no internet. Or that I could access. The horror. I got to visit my cousin briefly for a surprise visit and went gocarting. I was unable to pass my brother on the track but thats not the most important thing.

I came in last in miniature golf at the last hole. Just when I was leading for a long time. Oh, well. At least I didn't lose by much. Like 2 points. It doesn't really count in my eyes and I haven't played in a long time.

I got some cool leopard glasses from my cousin Hope. She's on a cross country trip across the US. That must be some journey. I wish I could do that someday. It makes you realize how small you are compared to the country.

My babysitting stint with Gergy or Fuu Fuu comes to an end tomorrow. She kept me up all night the first night. It was horrible and I would never want to repeat that. No!  

Grown Up Steps

We step out into the world with baby steps. Our parents like to guide us along the way. But there has to be a point where we go off by ourself. Explore the world and make our own way, on our own.

I've officially gotten my license and glasses. Those are both a first. I wasn't really excited to get my license, have no idea why.

I had a fun day with Victoria on Monday and totally kept forgetting to write about it. We had a Sailor Moon moviethon with 2 movies. lols Promise of the Rose and Hearts in Ice. Or something like that. We're so cool! :)

Chilling at the food court. Bought Starbucks and pretzels. Yum!

I'm so cool rockin the side pony tail. This is the new way to smile. Watch us start a trend! 

Solo shot. The headbands were so cute. Had to try it on.

The headbands inspire weird pictures. Ha!

I don't like my smile in that one but whatever. I found out I owe a lot of money to uni for not even living there. What is the world coming too? Thats even without tuition. lols

The Passing

I've never experienced the feelings of a loss before. Besides my pet dog. I recently found about the death of a classmate from my old high school. She had a drug overdose and its not known if it was accidental or intentional. She was in my choir class in school and I didn't really talk to her that much.

She also was in my dance class at my old dance studio. But, I never became really good friends with her. This passing makes me want to become a better person and reach out to people who don't have a lot of friends. It's maybe because they are just misunderstood. I think all she wanted was to make friends and be accepted. Something as simple as that.

My prayers go to her family and I hope they are able to deal with this time of loss.

I also passed the road test for my driver's license. It was hard to concentrate with the death on my mind still. I didn't know something like this would affect me that way.

About the World Around You

My parents sucked me into watching a marathon of Anne of Green Gables. lols That series is like eight hours long. It keeps going, and going and going. But that character is really full of life and has notions of things that weren't even thought of in her day. A women writer? That was completely unheard of at the time. For the most part.

Anne's story is fiction, but its still powerful. Its based on everyday life rather than fantasy. Maybe all those years I spent writing fiction stories was misgiven.

There is something special in the world around you. It's just waiting for you to put it on paper or desktop, I suppose.

Auditioned for Oliver yesterday. I had to do a range check for my low notes. I can hit a g below middle c. Lower than I used to when I was in choir.

Back to brown hair again. It feels more like myself than my borrowed time as a blonde. That didn't seem completely like me but another person.

Finished another book. Read Harry Potter 7 in 2 days. New record!

Falling in love with the song that translates into Hopeless Dream Catcher. It pertains to where I am right now in life. Stuck in dream. Aren't I always?

My notions of life are always left understood by most people and I always act on my feelings to late. When the moment is completely over, do I understand the signs. I guess that can be the one thing I regret. 

A Difference

A single stone by itself is insignfigant. But when, it is added to the power of others it can create an avalanche. A unstoppable force that can take on anything.

Even though a person is alone in their beliefs, their voice can make the difference that can cause an avalanche. Make a change by igniting it.

Ideals are tedious and not easily accepted. But it always starts with one. One voice. One dream. One message. A complete acceptance by others allows for change to start and grow. Which can eventually represent the voice of millions.

I don't know what inspired me to be all poetic today. It just feels right and what I should say now, rather than talk about how I ate tacos and watched movies. This message seems more signifigant.

Relax!

I didn't do much today. I watched Harry Potter 2 and 3. Went on the computer. Swam in a friend's pool and had dinner at their house.



Now my eyes sting. Wish I could see some high school friends more frequently. But that's life. You have to keep moving forward.

Shopping Etc.~

I bought some cute clothes at Forever 21. 2 skirts, 1 top, and gray leggings. lols All for just over $60. That's pretty good except I blew all the money I had saved.

Seeing the Wonder Girls with Josey next month. I'm excited. It's the first concert I've been to like in 8 years. The last one was LeAnn Rimes. Really old school, yo!

Nervous for college and my audition for Oliver. Life throws some crazy stuff at times. lols

The False Impressionist

Life is full of false impressions. Its hard to seperate reality from impressions at times. Things may be too good to fully categorize as reality for the most part. People are easily fooled. I wish hearts weren't like that. Too vulnerable. And easily broken.

Until I can fully trust myself can I let another person completely in. That's why I promise to stay aay from relationships until I am ready and not any sooner. I won't let myself get hurt anymore. I can do that at least.

Played three hours of volleyball. And had Destiny over. I'm wiped.

Bittersweet Victory

Slept in til 9 or so. Cleaned the house: vaccuming and other "fun" chores. Took a shower, threw on some makeup and got ready to play volleyball. For almost 8 hours.

I watched the normal fireworks everyone sees. Didn't see the finale. We had to leave early. It was a barbecue at my friend Amanda's house. My hands are so dry from the Salt Water in the pool. lols Apply lotion pronto.

I won 11 games of volleyball and got better at hitting the ball to the other team. Even though it went on the roof a few times. Oh, well. Who counts those anyways? lols

Inner Strength

Inner strength comes from within when you know you must accomplish a monumentous task. You feel complete after getting the courage to end it. But, its the journey you take that defines you ultimately as a person.

Letting go can be the hardest part but the start of a new day.

Au revoir

lols I'm not leaving blogging just yet. Well, until I get bored of it, but this is a good way to write about my day in some fashion. No, I'm saying goodbye to my affections for someone important.

I have feelings for people and usually these feelings are not felt the same by the other party. It's a neverending cycle. You almost get good at saying goodbye even though it hurts with a fresh pain each time. People's interests wander, its in their tendency to do so.

I still wish them the best of luck in the future even though I will have no part in it. Just a hopeful spectator striving to make a difference in the world. Alone.

I sound like such a Romantic and Idealist. Old fashioned ideas. They don't even belong to this new century or the Y2K. I bet you haven't heard of that reference in a long time. I remember stupid details, but details that matter to me don't matter to others.

When one door closes, another always opens. Like when tomorrow always comes. I enjoyed my time with this person but I have to be realistic and look toward the future. There's a whole horizon ready for me to explore, even if this person is not in it. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

I'm rambling, its late. I'll leave my mind to rest as tomorrow comes tumbling in. Why am I so poetic tonight, ha? lols

Blech

I hate feeling sick. It always makes me have a bad mood when I really don't want too. And prevents me from going out and having fun with my friends.

I went to a birthday party yesterday. I didn't totally suck at volleyball and could actually hit it back to the other people. Maybe, I am getting better at sports? Except when I hit it outside the pool. I said I'm sorry like fifty times. I felt bad for always making the guy get out and get it. I'm such a clutz.

Immediately after, I felt sick and layed down. I watched a bunch of old Disney show re-runs. Exciting day, but it was fun.

Blessings of Life

"Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing." - Kitou Aya

I finished watching the J-drama, 1 Litre of Tears, based on a diary kept by Kitou Aya as she went through the effects of a degenerative disease. She lost the ability to walk, talk, and move independently on her own. Aya didn't lose hope and kept fighting to live. She always looked for something to live for and was inspiring to others even when she felt like giving up. Even after her death, Aya still inspires others through the diary she wrote everyday. She truly has lived on forever.

Hearing of Aya's bravery in continuing to fight the disease and eagerly wanting to live is amazing. I could never be that strong as a person. I want to be able to help others and make their lives easier. I've always been a burden to others, but I want to change. I want to remain positive and be a source of inspiration for others during their troubled times. Like Aya. I want to follow her example.

The influence of being happy and compassionate can greatly add to others' general well-being. I will strive hard in this and although it will not be easy I will never give up. I have to keep trying to always better myself.

I <3 N Y!

Yup, dance recital matinee. Exciting stuff! My hair feels like its been plastered on with cement but hey it holds. I officially hate straps and other constraining stuff. It hurts too much to even breathe.

My last dance recital as a high schooler. Well, I'm technically not a high schooler, but it was the last after school activity I had during high school, which is now over. I still have voice lessons, but I've always had those and always will, possibly.

Our dance was a lyrical/ballet combination to Jordin Sparks' song "One Step at a Time." Our dresses were a typical lyrical outfit with purple, black, and white split like a triangle or something. I'm bad at describing stuff like that.

Its most possibly my favorite dance I've done in a long time and has a lot of meaning behind the words. I think the message is especially helpful as I move on toward college and the real world as my parents call it.

Most possibly not in Camelot because of interference from dance recital practice. I don't let this stop me, I'll just try for Oliver. One door closes while another always opens. That's my current philosophy and I'm sticking by that rule, world.

Disappointment & Hate

Hate is such a strong word and people throw it around so carelessly. They mistake it for words like dislike or oppose. Hate means you dislike it passionately. Not just a little bit. I wish people knew the distincition sometimes. Ugh. . .

I love my childhood pets. And when one of them is feeling sick, you wanna help them. But if there is nothing you can do, you feel helpless. The approaching death of a faithful dog is heartbreaking and may seem like not a big deal to some people. But, its an animal I saw grow up from a puppy. Seeing her pass away like my old dog will be hard.

And shes not even a person. That's hard to believe.

Yesterday~

I forgot to blog yesterday because I got home late and am making up for it by doing it the next day. That's isn't cheating, right? Didn't think so. lols

There's so many neat stuff you can find locally just by taking a walk in your neighborhood. Destiny was over and we decided to take a walk around and see a scary bunny statue in the park. That's a different story. We found this beautiful sunflower and it captured the moment of the day. I'm not a totally bad photographer. lols

We recorded 45 more seconds for our duo version of "Nobody." It's coming out pretty well. So, we have officially 2 minutes. Expect a preview pretty soon. That's the most we've ever recorded in one day. I still need to fix volumes and stuff but that's not the important part. Yet. . .

After recording "Nobody," for an hour we went to a nearby park (lols another park) and played on the jungle gym like we were little kids. We went down all the slides. I'm proud to say. Then, I epicly failed at a game of volleyball. Your supposed to hit the ball not duck away. I'm a pro at ducking for sho!

4th Fantana

There is the second or first generation of Fantas. There's always different people representing the flavors.

I went to ballet like any other Wednesday night and did our dance like 10 million times in a row. That's a gross exaggeration. Anyway, I was searching through YouTube and saw that Fanta was looking for a fourth commercial girl in their promotional group the Fantanas. The yellow flavored one or lemon, I think.

I'm gonna try out and see what happens. It's not about the accomplishments, but the journey that got you there. My friend Destiny is filming me on Saturday, hopefully I can come up with something good by then.

The Adventures of Ordinary People

My day always starts out normal. Wake up whenever during summer, but 6:30 during the school year. Grab something to eat and then crash on the computer to go on Facebook. The apps on Facebook are sort of entertaining and a "time-suck" which was why Rebecca was totally right. Why did she get me hooked?

I've decided to take random pictures of myself. I'm looking up ward and I thought that was a cool effect on this picture. Its different from my usual peace signs. I'm usually so easy to read but not now. Mwhahaha!

It's been uneventful for the most part. I saw an old friend, Alicia, at my old dance studio. We wrote a story together when I was younger called the Four Mages and were in a group called Kids Alive. Cool stuff! I might see her again soon.

Movie tomorrow with Ashley and going to the mall. I really need some new clothes. Gotta look cool for summer!

Nobody Ballad Version

So, I got bored and decided to finish recording Nobody (Rainstone Mix) - English Version that I started almost a month ago. I added random harmonies and mixed it myself.

That makes me proud and accomplished for the day. The song is originally by the Wonder Girls, an all-female group from Asia. This song is catchy!

You can listen to my version here - http://www.box.net/shared/dt2dv3dyyy

Hit play/save. Whatever works for you. Peace out for the night!

Driving 101

I got a crash course in driving for 3 hours. I haven't gotten my driver's license yet but plan to by the end of June. I have the permit, so don't worry, I'm not being illegal. Well, yet.

Overall, I think I drive pretty well. I just need to work on changing lanes and watching the speed limit. I can't keep going 35 in a 40 zone or so they say.

Last week, I saw UP and kept forgetting to blog about it. Whoops!

This was a really cute movie. Pixar has outdone themselves again. My favorite was the talking dog named. . .well, I forgot his name. But he was really adorable how he kept following after the bird.

I thought the little girl in the beginning was a little boy from the old guy's childhood. I didn't realize it was his wife. Whoops!

The little boy was clueless about boy scouting or whatever he called it. He found a father figure in the old man and they lived happily ever after. Yay, Disney endings!~

Anyways, I also fixed up part of the recording I did with my friend from a few days ago. She came over and we got up to 1:15. We're making progress. I like doing special effects. I might post up a preview soon. It sounds cool!

I have calbacks for Camelot on next Wednesday. Yay! Maybe I should watch Sword in the Stone?

It's kinda fun to be blonde. I had a weird face that day. It was a meh kind of day. My last choir concert. Boo hoo~ Maybe. . .

Ring, Miss Stupid!

Texting a guy first = no bueno! And definantely not the Buono kind either. They don't have the same fashion sense.

Always texting them first = Stop right there and reevaluate what your doing, grl!

Becca is right when she said that when boys don't take the time, then they are "poopie!" That's what cousins are for. Family is closer than a guy ugh.

Anyways, I recorded 40 seconds of a song with a friend yesterday. That was a lot of fun to mess around and just be myself. Not worrying about what people think of me. That's why high school is over. Less drama in the world.

Watched tv for a long time today. Killed a lot of brain cells. What's new over summer!

Still addicted to facebook but not as much. Don't have the urge to update my status as often. Weird!

Phony: Um YES!

Being distanced from high school, you can like see people in a different way. Their faults are magnified by time and you realize how much they used you. And tried to make you fail at whatever you did. How could I let myself be used so badly?

My self-confidence always relied on what they thought of me and that's not how it should be. I need to be stronger and not let them run my life.

Once I let them control me, there will be no individualness of me left. And that's the most important thing I have right now.

Game plan for the day - read an old story I wrote a long time ago and decide why I gave up on writing. Hey, it might be good!

The Commotion

Graduation is the end of a period in my life. It was enjoyable and there were parts that I really liked about high school. Being given the chance to perform in front of 1500+ people was an amazing experience and was a definite high of my senior year. It's great to be recognized for something, instead of always being in the background.

People have had a tendency of being false to me and betrayed / hurt me. I'm used to it. They've tried to bring me down but that doesn't work anymore. I'm my own person and. . .don't need them. I guess thats the best way to say it.

I thank my parents and teachers for helping me through high school. Without them, I could not do it. And thats an accomplishment in its self. So thank you and now I have to figure out what I do from now. I'm at a crossroads.

Every Moment Counts

Life has a way of going by when you don't want it, too. It doesn't know when to slow down. It just keeps continuing. I've decided with the end of high school, I have to appreciate the time I do have. Instead of wasting it wondering why I don't have a boyfriend or such. Because in perspective, stuff like that is not the most important.

I bonded with my two cousins talking about life and experiences. And other stuff. I really miss bonding over girl talk like that. I don't have to see my cousins for a long time but feel the same connection, I always do. Like we can talk about anything.

Tomorrow and destiny work together to steer you in a new direction. Whatever road that may be, you should follow it.

Cactus Huggers

Residents of Arizona have been labeled as "cactus-huggers" instead of the normal term "tree-huggers" by my cousin, Hope. I think that's funny how they label us. Everyone is always put in a category for something. Why not what you hug?

I got my hair rehighlighted ish today to hide my brown roots. They keep wanting to grow in. Grrr! I'm planning to stay with the blonde look until I start college. Maybe, I'm not totally sure yet.

Hanging with family I haven't seen in over 8 years results in. . .
- Mexican food restaurant eating
- Walking in tutus around my neighborhood (Go Hope! lols)
- Watching Sex-Education YouTube Videos
- Playing Fill or Bust and giving up in the middle
- Walking the Princess Fuu Fuu dog because it needs to go potty
- Just laughing

Randomness happens with four girls together. Watch out Forever 21! The Girls are back in town. That was a lame joke.

All in all, a memorable day. talking in bad French accents about throwing croissants and crepes at each other. I wish I could learn to enjoy myself a lot more like that.

Just let go and let life happen. A new motto, I think? lols

Time Frozen

It's weird not being apart of high school anymore. I've been in it so long. It feels wrong.

I have family fly into town from all across the country. It made yesterday seem like Saturday. Crazy stuff. Being with family time always seems to fly.

The Last Goodbye

High school is a lot of memories shared with a group of friends. It's classes you go to, even though you don't totally want to be there. Embarassing moments that make good stories to tell your friends and family. Hard times when you think the whole world is against you and there is no where to turn. Insecurities about yourself and what others think of you. It's undefined but experienced. You take risks and explore new things about yourself. Memories can be lived and never forgotten.

I started high school as a quiet girl unsure of herself in the world around her. I did make friends but I always felt the need to cling to others, to find a - safety net in the world. My confidence in myself was only defined by their opinion of me. And that wasn't how it stayed.

I saw the beauty within my own self and broke down barriers socially. I interacted more with others and with that I was able to make amazing friends. I'm grateful for that and the way I was able to grow.

I want to thank my friends even though they probably will never read this. They mean a lot to me and helped me survive high school. I love that I have been able to create a whole new self this year. I have been redefined and people have to get used to a new me.

High school goes by fast but its a rewarding experience. And I don't regret anything.

"And the dreams that have faded. . .never forget them." - Yuna, Final Fantasy X

Lazy Days

The days are so hot and the school year begins to draw to a close. Ever so slowly. . .

I'm confused about how I feel about graduation and what it really means to me. Should I be happy or sad? I just don't know anymore. I'm so confused inside about everything.

I want to relive my accomplishments in GREASE, but I know that I can't. It was a great time, but in reality no one can live in the past. They have to face what comes to them in the future. even though it can be tough.

I saw Star Trek with my friend Destiny. I really liked the movie. I expected it to be weird, but it was really cool. Whoever said it was a dorkie convention thing? lols

Life steers you in a new direction like a stream, so its your responsibility to follow it. lols Reminds me of a line from Memoirs of a Geisha.

3, 2, 1 - BREAKIN OUT!

Rejection can be hard to deal with in the events of normal reality. It seems like your on a high for so long and then you suddenly crash with one rejection. I am going to keep going, even if it means I am not going to be doing something I wanted to have.

I'm ending high school this week and graduate next Friday. I have had a lot of memories there for the last four years. It's been quite a journey. My highlight is definantly being Sandy in GREASE. Who doesn't want to dress up and look cool sometimes? Me, duh!

I also saw The Strangers at my friends birthday party sleepover. That means no talking to strangers for a while. Or opening the door when people knock. They might be looking for Tamara.

I'm tired and starting to ramble which is a bad sign so I will go to sleep. Good night and may tomorrow bring a new chance at everything. Happy blogging with this new blog!

RANDOM PURPLY SHOUTOUT: Bananas ony talk when an eskimo gives them a carrot.

It's a banana shoe. Close enough. Picture wise.